I am sitting here rocking my sweet blessing. She has already fallen asleep but I can't bring myself to lay her down. I really need my extra cuddle time tonight.
Tomorrow marks the day of my return to work. Maternity leave is officially over and my heart is breaking. I've been crying for weeks but the last few days I've been crying multiple times a day and tonight is the worse. I cannot stop the tears from flowing....
Tonight at bedtime I read Raegan Grace Guess How Much I Love You and I Love You All The Time. Two of my favorite stories to read to her. My sweet blessing, I love you all the way to the moon and back all the time! You are the absolute greatest blessing God has ever given me. I am beyond thankful to God for you my sweet girl. You make my life complete! I have my own precious family now and I couldn't be happier with the life Gos has given us.
I wish I could stay at home with you all the time my sweet girl. I wish I could be that domestic engineer I always teased daddy about but I'm under contract and I have to finish this year out. Maybe next year or maybe in a few years I don't know. God has a plan and we will pray and listen to Him my sweet girl.
I know tomorrow is going to be hard and Tuesday even harder. Heck this week into next week I don't know when it will become the "norm" to leave you so I can work so we can take care of you. The tears won't stop flowing though and mommy is going to miss your cuddles and snuggles and your soooo very sweet smile ALL day long. I am going to miss holding you caring for you and nursing you during the day. Oh my sweet girl I'm gonna miss our pj days and our morning and afternoon naps. I know we will still do these great things just not as often.
It breaks my heart to know someone else will be taking care of you while I am at work. It really really does. I know Tracey is going to do the best job but it's not me...it's just not the same. I am soooo very grateful that you will not have to go to daycare though. I am very thankful you will get that one on one attention with Tracey. She will take great care of you my sweet blessing. She will love on you and hug you like mommy will. She will do an outstanding job I know because God brought her into my life. God chose her and she will be just perfect for you. I'm telling myself this to as I tell you.
Tonight I prayed over you, prayed that you will do a great job for Daddy tomorrow and a great job for Tracey every day after that. I prayed that you would be a good sweet baby girl and that you will take your bottle like a good girl. I know you can do it. You can my sweet blessing. Oh please do so I won't have to worry about you going hungry. I am sorry I failed you in getting trained on the bottle before I went back to work but it was soooo hard to bare to hear you cry.
As I prayed over you and all the good great things I know you will do, you smiled at me... Then you cooed and talked to me and oh how you made my Heart melt. It's like your telling me it's going to be okay mommy. Its going to be okay....
Oh Raegan you are so loved my sweet blessing. Oh so loved. I love you all the way to the moon and back all the time!!!!
Dear God,
Help me. Help lift my spirits, help those around me be a joy to me and give me much encouragement and prayers as the next few days, weeks will be difficult for me. I'm sitting here typing this God and on the radio I hear the song "Do Everything" by Steven Curtis Chapman...
Do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you,
Cause he made you,
To do
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
Tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do
I know this is Your plan for me. Rather I'm holding my sweet baby girl or walking my students to lunch I will do everything I do for Your Glory. I will miss my sweet girl soooo very much God. Wrap your arms around us both, hug us both when we need it Lord. This is difficult for me, much more difficult than I imagined and I can't hardly bare to think about Tuesday when she goes for her first full day with Tracey. I am nervous, anxious, scared, all in one. Please watch over my sweet blessing, protect her and care for her oh Lord. Help me accept this new schedule and help me maintain a balance life between home and work. I praise You, and I thank You for all that You do.
In Your Name I pray,
AMEN
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