Sooo much to do!!!

Ive got soooo much I need to do to get ready for our Sonic Cancun trip!!! It's actually very overwhelming for me!!!!

At the top of that to do list is loving, holding, kissing, hugging, snuggling, playing with Raegan Grace as much as I possibly again!!! Right now I'm rocking her and she just fell asleep! I'm enjoy my snuggles with her!!!!!

I'm gonna miss her soooooooo much!!!! I've cried five times already today!!!! :( I really don't want to leave her but I know God will have her in His hands and watch over my sweet blessing!

I've had a hard time getting ready for this trip because although I want to go I don't want to go!!!! And not to mention the amount of work it's taking me to get ready!!! I should say to get us 3 ready!!! I haven't even started the true packing yet because I need to do laundry! I've got my lists going and between my daily duties of taking care of RG, teaching, and taking care of the house I'm pretty much already loaded to the max! I'm getting like 5 hours of sleep a night if that. All I can say is thank you Jesus for caffeine! My body runs on it!

I've gotten all of RG's documents together (medical release form, ss card, hotel info, etc). Getting those together broke my heart because I feel like I'm giving her away! :( and plus it scares me sooo much! Because I don't want anything to happen to her and we are in another country! It's one thing if she's 30 minutes down the road another thing when you need an airplane to get to her! :(

I still need to get all her stuff together and I will after I do laundry tomorrow! She's got October babies play date tomorrow at our house (which I'm very excited about seeing everyone) So after that it's game on to knock out my to do lists for this trip!

Not only do I have to worry about getting Raegan, Drew and I ready for this trip but I have to get my students ready. A week of sub plans are no fun at all!!! I really hate missing work! It's way more work, planning, and preparation when I'm not there! Hopefully my kiddos survive! I still haven't finished what I need to do for work... So tonight after I finish typing this and getting my last snuggles in with RG I've got to finish my school stuff. And tomorrow morning make a run to school to do some last minute preparations on a Saturday before our oct moms play date!

Busy busy!!!!

And sometime tonight at least make the house presentable for the play date! Ha!

Always something on that huge to do lists!

I will say I am looking forward to spending time with Drew and getting SLEEP in Cancun! At least I hope I sleep!!! Probably my luck I'll keep waking up! And I'm excited about my reading lists! Hopefully I'll have time to finish at least one personal and one professional book if not more!!! ;) haven't had time to read for me in forever!

But yea guess I should go get started on my mountain of work!

Please say a prayer over Raegan and Drew and I for safe travels and security!!! Ohhhh how I'm gonna miss her soooo much!!!!

Dear God,

Please watch over Raegan Grace! Please keep her safe and well and happy! Let no pain in her life! Let her sleep and eat well while I'm away! Let her have a joyful and happy time at the Hysners and let them take care
Of her every little need! Hold her God and love her as I know You will! Let her feel our love around her while we are away and us her love!!! God watch over Drew and I also and let us safely all return home! Thank You for all You do and for being so wonderful in all Your blessings in our life!!! Especially our sweet blessing, Raegan Grace!!! she's perfect in every way! She's definitely our "good and perfect gift from above!" I love her with all my heart!!!!!!! All the way to the moon and back!!!!!

In Your name I pray,
Amen!!!

Rewind of this week

Yay!!! I am sooooo excited that the weekend is here! I have missed my sweet baby girl! I can't believe I just finished my 4th week back at work! I feel like it was just the other day that I went back.

Looking at Raegan though I can definitely tell how much she's changed in the last four weeks. That seems to be my Friday thing to do is truly take her in and notice all her changes (not that I don't during the week it's just crazy busy)! But she's changed so much! She's gotten so big in just a few short days! Today she was laying on her back propped up by the Boppy and her Daddy was talking to her and she was actually trying to sit up. She was leaning and doing these tiny little crunches to get closer to her daddy. It was sooo cute! Build them muscles baby girl!

I looked back through her photos last night on Facebook and was completely amazed at how my much she's changed from newborn to infant. What a beautiful miracle of life God has given us. It still amazes me how beautiful life is.

Tomorrow Raegan will be 4 months old! I just can't believe 4 months ago I gave birth to her! Shes the most perfect gift I have ever gotten! And I thank God every day for my sweet blessing!!!! I love her with all my heart!

Raegan had a rough start to her week this week. She has started teething and was really fussy! Broke my heart! She was nursing a lot and waking up a lot! It was tiring on her and me! But the last 3 days she's been much better! Soooo thankful!

Tuesday night I actually decided to try her in the crib. I am NOT pushing it if she sleeps for an hour and cries then fine I will go get her. Its not a big deal for me and honestly not something I'm pushing! She is my child and if I choose to have her sleep with me that's my business! I am HER mommy and I know HER and ME best! :) and that's exactly why I hadn't posted the last three night attempt stories because I don't want to read the commentary! not to mention my puppy dogs slept with me for years! It was hard on me training them to sleep in their kennels why would anyone think having Raegan sleep in her bed instead of with me would be easy??? Lol! Oh and buy the way I was hard core with her sleeping in her crib before she was born! Ha! Then reality sunk in!!! Lol!

But anyway she actually made it 4 hours Tuesday night in her crib! And Wednesday night I tried again and she made it 6 hours before waking up! And last night I tried it again and she made it 8 whole hours before waking up to eat! I was sooo impressed! That's 2 hour increases every night!!! Goo Raegan!

I laid her in her crib tonight too. I hope she makes it just as long. But I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't because she fell asleep before we could do her normal bedtime routine. But here's to hoping! I'll love her either way!!! She's perfect!!!

Yesterday she stayed with Jessica and her baby Sophie instead of Tracey! Tracey had the great honor of welcoming her new niece into the world yesterday! But Raegan did great for Jessica! She even got her to take a 2 hour nap which I haven't been able to since she was a few weeks old. She even got her to take a paci to calm herself down right away. She had a great day with Jessica and Sophie! Oh and when I went to pick Raegan up yesterday she hadn't had her last bottle yet! So Jessica suggested I try to give it to her! I was hesitate at first but thought it best to try! And she took that bottle from me! Made me sad and happy all in one! Bittersweet!

Tomorrow we are going to Myrtle Beach to see the Hysners! We haven't seen them since Raeagn was born and they came to visit her! Since they will be watching Raegan next month for our trip we thought it would be best to have some interaction between baby girl and them before our trip!

Well it's getting late (yep 10pm is late nowadays!)! Still gotta pump and get some chores done then it's bed for me!

Be blessed friends! Life is too precious not to enjoy ALL things especially ALL the little things!

3 day weekend

I'm finishing up my 3 day weekend rocking my sweet girl to sleep. We've had a busy yet relaxing 3 days together!

Saturday Aunt Tracy came over and spent some time with us! And then uncle Patrick helped us take down all the Christmas decor down and cleaned out the garage so I can park my car in there again! Then we grilled steaks out with Pops.

On Sunday Megahn Ray came over and took Raegan's 3 month pictures! She posted 4 sneak peek pictures on her fb page! They are too precious and I cant wait to see the rest of them! Megahn Ray Photography does such an awesome job! I love Megahn's work! She's got true talent!

After pictures we went to Katie's house for lunch and our October moms play date. This time the dads joined us! It was a lot of fun! All the babies are getting so big!

Of all 5 babies Raegan is the only one who can't roll over yet. She can on the couch but not on the floor. Last night as I reflected on it it kind of concerned me but once I googled developmental milestones it didn't bother me any more! Yes, google finally worked in my favor! Lol! But it said most babies don't roll over until they are 4-5 months and that some babies even skip rolling over. So that made me feel better! Drew and I talked about it too and he said it's because we don't put her down much! Which is true, and if it takes her longer then so be it! I don't get to spend all my time with her so if I want to hold her I will! We do get on the floor with her several times a day for tummy time but she always gets fussy after 5 -10 minutes. She seems the most content just pushing up and holding her head up and looking around she kicks her legs a good bit though for sure! So she may just go straight to crawling lol! Who knows! But she has excellent head control, a strong grip, loves putting stuff in her mouth, she's picked up some toys on her own she seems to do that when we aren't looking, lol, she loves watching tv or us cooking, she smiles more than any baby I have ever seen, laughs outloud, and talks and coos more than any baby that I know of! She's absolutely perfect in every way!

But anyway...

Today Raegan and I lounged around all day just enjoying each other! I even joined her for 2 of her naps! Drew even brought me pink roses home! He's such a good husband! I cooked dinner and then we started our bedtime routine! Oh and I must say that Drew always helps me give Raegan a bath! There's only been two times that he didn't help. I love that's it's something we do for Raegan together!

I put her down around 8 but she woke up crying so we are rocking again. It's okay with me because well I don't want to go clean or do laundry anyway! Lol!

I've been sad today because I don't want to leave RG for another week of work! She's just soooo sweet and adorable! She melts my heart with everything that she does! There's nothing better than the love I have for my little family! We are so blessed and I am soooo thankful to God!

Well my sweet blessing is sound asleep again gonna attempt to go get the rest of my work done! :)

* oh and I plan to add pics in the right order and add some more other pics to this but when I'm on on the iPad it doesn't add like they do on the computer! Oh well here's a few pics! Not sure how they will post using this app but I will go back and fix them when I get a chance!

My decision

I am going to go on the trip. I made a commitment and I am going to keep it. Drew wants me to go and I do agree with everyone that it would be good for Drew and I to get away. We haven't gotten away together since our last Sonic trip last year so we could definitely use the time together. Drew earned this vacation and it is FREE so it only makes sense to go especially with our new budget plan we don't have the "extra" money to do stuff like this. I am excited to spend this "alone" time with Drew and see all my Sonic friends and make new friends! It will be fun to have some adult conversations.

I know Raegan will be just fine with Mike and Keri. I think one thing that bothers me is that we can't do a trial run because they live in Myrtle Beach and we live in Columbia. Now I did tell them we need to start skyping because well at least she could start to recognize their voice and face!

I will just miss her and worry about her soooo much! Which many of you said is being a good mom! I just want the best for Raegan! She deserves everything I can give and so much more! Every child deserves all you can give ( & no I'm not talking about stuff, just the inside kind of stuff ;) ).

Now I thank you for all your kind words and thoughts! Sometimes writing is just my way to vent. Probably shouldn't hit post until I've actually stopped the tears huh? Lol! But it makes the reading more entertaining no matter how pathetic I sound right? Lol!

I know people have far worse decisions/problems/situations then me in the world! But that doesn't make my pain any less! When I was growing up I use to think oh how my life sucks! Then when I would read a book (like a child called it) I realized my life wasn't as bad as I had thought. BUT now that I am a teacher I've learned that their are so many different people in the world. We ALL handle things differently.So to me my life was just like a Child Called It. I am very "blue" so what may bother me may be laughed off by say an "orange" or "green" person. Or what may bother a "green" person doesn't bother me at all! So now when i think someone is being petty i don't think to myself get over it I sympathize with them and at the very least listen. Because we all have needs and handle things differently. No matter how big or small! You have to have an understanding of ALL people and what "color" or what "DISC" they are (or whatever psychology term you want to use). We aren't all the same! That's what makes us all unique and what makes us appreciate all the different types of personalities! Having a little of all personalities makes the world a better place! For my IB readers it's what we call "balanced". ;)

So basically thanks to all who offered encouragement! That's exactly what this "blue" person needed to hear!

Have a blessed day!

Would I be a horrible mother if???

So Drew earned his Sonic trip again this year! I am so proud of him! This year he is going to Cancun, Mexico! Although I'm excited for this FREE trip it's way different than last year!

Last year when we went on this Sonic trip to the Dominican we were pregnant but we definitely didn't have our sweet baby girl yet!

Oh man, how things have changed in just one year! Being married is one thing, but being married with a baby is a total different thing!!!

Our dear friends, the Hysners, have offered to take care of Raegan for the 5 nights 6 days that we are away! As much as I trust them and know that Raegan will be fine with them I can't help but for my heart to break at the mere thought of leaving my sweet baby girl!

If I go will...

-Raegan remember me?
- Will she still want to nurse when I get back?
-will she be okay?
-will she sleep without us?
-will she take her bottle from them?
-will I have enough stored milk for her and if not will she take formula or half and half, and then switch back to breast milk when we get back?
-how much will her routine change?
-will she become fussy?
-will she still be the happy baby that she's been for us?
- will she be excited to see us or even recognize us when we skype with her while we are there?
-will my milk supply decrease?
-will I even enjoy myself if I go????

I'm just sooooo worried! I feel like she is too young for us to leave her. When we go she will only be 4.5 months old. Thats not very old. I already feel like I'm missing soooo much of her life already with me being back at work! I'm only away from her for 9 hours not 6 days!

I started to google (yes I know bad idea) about mothers leaving their babies for vacation etc. Well many things said go because she won't remember but one thing in particular I read said don't go. That she will have no concept of time and what is 6 days to us will feel like eternity to her. And that she will feel abandoned and that that will affect her for the rest of her life ????

Oh man!!!! Let the tears flow... I am hurting so much!!! I don't want her to feel like that. I want her to be more than just okay! I want her to be loved by me! I want to hold her and care for her forever!

I know my husband earned this trip. He worked hard for his accomplishments, and I'm so proud of him. Its such an honor to even be allowed to go on this trip.

But I'm sooooo nervous and scared about leaving my baby!

So that leads me torn ... Between being a good wife to Drew (he could take someone else but I know we would have to let them know ASAP, we have all ready said I'm going) and supporting his accomplishments or being a good mother to Raegan and meeting her every need?

Would I be a horrible mother if I go? Or would I be a horrible wife if I didn't go?

Will RG look back at me when she has her own child and think how could my own mom have left me so young?

I just don't want to let Drew down on my baby girl down.

Would you leave your 4.5 month old baby???? Your first born??? Your very sweet sweet oh soooo sweet blessing that God gave YOU???

Praying to You God! You know what I stand in the midst of. You know my every thought and my every need.

One more day!

Tomorrow is Friday! ONE more day of teaching and I'll have a 3 day weekend ahead of me!!!! I am sooooo ready to spend 3 whole days with my sweet blessing!!!! It's long overdue!!!!

This week has been okay. I've been surviving. The hardest part for me is at night when I reflect in our day and I think about all I missed with my sweet girl. I've cried a few times tonight. I just miss her so much!

Tonight she fell asleep on me and slept for almost 2 hours! It felt soooo good to allow her to nap on me! Oh how I've missed that! She is truly the sweetest baby! Honestly I've done lots of babysitting in my life and she is soooo happy and smiley all the time! It just melts my heart!

Tonight she was laughing at the dogs. By the time I got my phone out to video her she was already fixated on something else, lol! Daddy got her to laugh though by tickling her. It was the first time she's laughed for us. She's been saving all her laughs for Tracey. Hehe. Sneaky girl! Tracey got a cute laughing video today too that I'm gonna post on Facebook in a little bit.

Sooooo ready for tomorrow! I can't wait till 3:15pm tomorrow! I'm gonna be one happy mommy! I can't wait for all the loving I'm gonna give and get from RG!

I love my sweet blessing more than words can express! All the way to the moon and back!!!!

I survived!!!!

Dear Raegan,


Mommy did it!!!! I sooo soooo did it!!! I survived my first week back!!!!Yay for the weekend being here!!! I am soooo glad to have my first week back at work behind me!!! I am looking forward to spending as much time possible loving all over you my sweet girl this entire weekend!!!


Mommy is so proud of you for doing such a great job at Tracey's this week!!! I will forever be thankful for God putting her in our lives!!!! She really does a great job with you!!!! I am so thankful she is patient, kind, and loving!!!! And she is sooo good to mommy too! I love how she texts me pictures at work so I can see your beautiful sweet face!!! Oh how I just light up when I get a new picture or text about you! You did a great job with the bottle again today!!! You drank two 4 ounce bottles and drank about 3.5 ounces of your third before falling asleep. Mommy is sooo proud and thankful you are taking a bottle!!! Tommee tippee bottles are expensive taste little girl, but you are oh sooo worth it and sooooooo much more! I am just thankful you are taking a bottle when mommy is away!

Tracey and Raegan

I got the sweetest most precious gift today for you my sweet blessing! One of my students grandparents made us a beautiful scrapbook! It's got all the pages in it for your first year all I have to do is put your pictures in it! And boy oh boy is it BEAUTIFUL!!!! I had bought stuff to start your scrapbook but never got the chance to start it before going back to work. This scrapbook is perfect! It's a thick corduroy cover original just for you! They were even so thoughtful as to put special poems and prayers in the scrapbook! I absolutely love it! I cannot wait to print your pictures and put them in it!!! It truly is perfect! It's the best gift I have EVER gotten from a student for sure!

Here are some pictures of the scrapbook! I can't wait to go print some photos so I can add your beautiful face to the beautiful scrapbook! :)

Well baby girl you've been nursing/sleeping for an hour now it's time for me to enjoy all your snuggles! I love you my sweet sweet blessing all the way to the moon and back!


Love always and forever
Mommy

(after dinner while rocking RG to sleep)
Back at work


This week was tough I'm not gonna lie. It was not as hard as I had anticipated though. The hardest part at first was leaving her, but that was quickly changed by the hardest part being how much I was missing about her. Fir example, on Wednesday morning Drew told me how he carried RG to the changing table and how when he unswaddled her, her arms when poof and stuck straight up in the air while still asleep. It made me cry when he told me because I could remember the many of mornings needing her to wake before she actually did and the way her arms would do that half asleep. I loved when she did that.


That's been the hardest, missing all the little things that make life everything; waking up to her smiling face, her arms going poof when unswaddled, putting her in the bouncer and watching her smile when I towel dried my hair, listening to her really laugh for the first time, playing with her, heck even changing her diaper (she is so happy and always laughs and kicks her legs when changed her), nursing her, rocking her, watching tv, pj days, tummy time, putting her baby lotion on in the morning and smelling her sweet scent, listening to her heart beat against my chest, her big smile, the way she hides her face in me, the way she brings her hands up to her face when she gets excited, her little eyebrows moving all around, how her eyes got really small when she smiled because of her precious cheeks, just talking to her, kissing on her, and soooo much more! I miss our days soooo much!


Drew has been really good throughout the week. Today when he came home from work he was like are you excited??? Are you excited it's the weekend because now you don't have to miss her. And I smiled but buried my head in his chest because I did miss her and was sooo glad I will be able to spend ALL day with her tomorrow! he took me in his arms and said "let me talk to you like I talk to Raegan... You're sooooo sweet, you're the sweetest mommyyyyy in the whole world! I loveeeeee youuuuuu!!!!!" oh how it melted my heart and made me cry tears of joy. I love my husband! He picks me up right when I need him too! I love my life! God has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams!


Work work


Back at school it's hard. Because I did get changed from kindergarten to first grade this past year. I honestly don't know how I feel about first grade yet. I do love my kids but coming back from maternity leave I feel kind of loss. I don't exactly know where my kids are and I feel like I don't know all that I need to know about teaching first grade. Kind of makes me feel like a first year teacher but worse by starting in the middle of the year. I'm just taking it all in trying to do what I know best. I am working on assessing my kids so I know where to go from there. Trying to find time to get everything done for work is going to be a challenge. I want to be an expert at what I do, a master at my job. I've got to find a way to living a balanced life because being a great mom and being a great teacher both take a tremendous amount of time! Praying that God helps me achieve all that He wants me to! "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!"