My sweet blessing!

Dear Raegan,

Mommy misses you soooo much! Today was day 4 back at work. It's been soooo tough leaving you in the morning.

The bottle has been a challenge for you this week but I am soooo proud of you because you finally took 10 ounces today!!! Tracey was proud too! And Daddy!!!! And probably all of Facebook. Hehe.

After skyping with Granny I rocked you to sleep around 8. I laid you in our bed while I cleaned up and washed all your new bottles! You woke up around 9 just to see where everyone was. I got you back to sleep but decided I wanted some more time with you, so I picked you up and we've been rocking in your nursery for almost an hour! you are still in my loving arms as I type this blog entry.

I've just been taking you ALL in. You got a bath tonight so you smell extra smelly good! I love your baby smell! I love the way you bury you head in my shoulder as a way to shield the light from your eyes. I love the way you get a little smirk on your face while sleeping. I love feeling your heart beat against my chest. I also love watching your pulse through your soft spot on your head (even though it does freak me out sometimes). I love hearing you breath tonight you are breathing much more through your nose. I love how when I kiss your forehead you kind of flinch in your sleep. I love how you body is all swaddled up and you look so serene as you sleep. I love everything about you my sweet blessing!!!!!

It's in moments like these that I cherish. Just taking you in. I want to remember everything about you. I hate that I am back at work because I don't want to miss a single thing about you, but Tracey has been wonderful in sending me texts, pictures and even videos of you. It helps comfort me when I am away from you. Gives me a peace of mind that you are okay. It's definitely been tough being back at work but many prayers have been helping and it sure does make me cherish every moment I do have with you. You are my everything and I thank God every day for Him giving you to us. You are my sweet blessing always and forever! I love you to the moon and back!!!!

You are sooo loved my sweet blessing!!!!

Love always and forever,
Mommy

My busy first gonna be typical day back!

Let's see my day started at 530am (230am if you count my middle of the night feeding). I woke up, pumped, washed all my pumping stuff, showered, got dressed and ready for work, packed my lunch, and was about to leave for work when Raegan started crying. So I feed her and laid her back down, she cried some more, feed a but more until she fell asleep again and then I woke Drew up to give him the run down on Raegan (clothes all laid out, blanket for carseat, diaper bag packed and ready, not forgetting her cooler with her bottles ready to go, etc). Then I cried in his arms for a few minutes of the heartbreak of leaving my sweet girl and out the door I went carrying my own lunch box, school bag, and breast pump tote all before 650 am (my goal was to leave my house at 630 am, ha, close)

Then I drove to school and parked. Walked to my classroom turned on my computer to finish my newsletter and finish setting up for the day. Katie came in to wish me luck and gave me a present. I waited for her to leave and something told me to open it. Inside was the sweetest gift for RG, a new children's bible so that of course made me cry and I chased her down the hall to thank her and I cried in her arms.

I go back to my classroom and then Angela and Teri walk in. Following suit was Fran and Marles and we formed our circle. Angela began praying over us, our students, the new year, me leaving RG, etc. I broke down in tears again in the middle of our prayer circle.

We say our goodbyes and good lucks and I welcome my kiddos into my classroom with open arms. We share new news, practice procedures, and head to lunch. After dropping the kids off I head back to pump, drop off my milk in the fridge and head back to the cafeteria to get my kids. We go back to the classroom set our new years resolutions, and then I take my kids to related arts and I finally sit down to eat my own lunch. I grab some papers and head to the work room to make some copies of stuff I need, go pump again and then head to pick my kiddos up gain and we partake in indoor recess. The end of the "work" day is here as I finally finish up my bus duty and I turn off my classroom and head straight to the door. The work day of course included several texts to Tracey checking on my sweet girl. All of this done by 3:15 in the afternoon.

I get in my car and drive the 30 mins to Tracey's to pick up my sweet girl who I missed ohhh so much! I hug and kiss on my sweet girl and met the father of the three year old who Tracey also keeps. I then nurse RG and talk with Tracey about RG's day. I then pack RG in the carseat and we head home.

We get home at like 445pm and I began making dinner while playing and loving on RG and feeding her and changing her. We eat dinner while RG nurses and then we play with her some more and then head to the bathroom to give her a bath. We start our bedtime routine and I read her 3 bible stories and goodnight Moon and then I swaddle her and have been rocking her for the past 30 mins as I type this blog out all by 8pm.

I am now going to go lay her in our bed and began tackling the rest of the work...that is if she let's me put her down. I must do the dishes, make her bottles, wash the entire sink full of bottles, pack her cooler and diaper bag (with gas drops, forgot those today), and set her clothes out. And I would like to work on some of my to do list for work and of course go to bed at a decent hour (yea right). Haha.... How is this for a day???

Working mom is an understatement! Multiply this times 5 days a week, add in the weekends and add in lots of laundry, house cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. Whew! I'm exhausted thinking about it! But this is my life and I love it regardless. God blessed me with my sweet beautiful baby girl, a great job, and wonderful family and friends. I'd like to say I'm on my way to becoming that Proverbs 31 woman on my new years resolutions list.

Oh and sometime tonight I will add pictures and a short video that was taken of RG at Tracey's today to this blog and will repost on Facebook! Hehe!

On to my third job at 8:18pm! :)

First day back at work

Soooo today was okay. I cried this morning when I left and when I got to school. Very very thankful today was a teacher workday!!!! Drew called me around 845 and told me RG was refusing the bottle and had been crying for 45 mins so of course I broke down in tears again. Drew was able to make her take half an ounce. :( not much at all. Drew brought her up to work about 10:45 and I was soooo happy to see her!!!! 430 am was the last time I nursed her! so from then till 11am she only ate half an ounce that worried me!!! she is stubborn for sure! I can't believe she went that long without eating that much. Drew decided to go ahead and hang out in my classroom while I worked (and I ended up nursing her twice at work) So I was only technically away from RG from 630-10:45am. So tomorrow I think it's gonna be way worse! ALL day :( I know Tracey will do great job I just worry about the bottle and of course missing her!!!! Tracey you get RG on the bottle and taking it easily you are getting a bonus!!! For real! Hehe! Ahhh tomorrow is the true test. thanks for everyone who has been praying for me during this transition it really means a lot to me! I am looking forward to seeing my kids tomorrow but will soooo be looking forward to picking up my sweet blessing at the end of the day! Please continue the prayers! Tomorrow is gonna be the toughest!

Maternity Leave is Over...

I am sitting here rocking my sweet blessing. She has already fallen asleep but I can't bring myself to lay her down. I really need my extra cuddle time tonight.


Tomorrow marks the day of my return to work. Maternity leave is officially over and my heart is breaking. I've been crying for weeks but the last few days I've been crying multiple times a day and tonight is the worse. I cannot stop the tears from flowing....


Tonight at bedtime I read Raegan Grace Guess How Much I Love You and I Love You All The Time. Two of my favorite stories to read to her. My sweet blessing, I love you all the way to the moon and back all the time! You are the absolute greatest blessing God has ever given me. I am beyond thankful to God for you my sweet girl. You make my life complete! I have my own precious family now and I couldn't be happier with the life Gos has given us.


I wish I could stay at home with you all the time my sweet girl. I wish I could be that domestic engineer I always teased daddy about but I'm under contract and I have to finish this year out. Maybe next year or maybe in a few years I don't know. God has a plan and we will pray and listen to Him my sweet girl.


I know tomorrow is going to be hard and Tuesday even harder. Heck this week into next week I don't know when it will become the "norm" to leave you so I can work so we can take care of you. The tears won't stop flowing though and mommy is going to miss your cuddles and snuggles and your soooo very sweet smile ALL day long. I am going to miss holding you caring for you and nursing you during the day. Oh my sweet girl I'm gonna miss our pj days and our morning and afternoon naps. I know we will still do these great things just not as often.


It breaks my heart to know someone else will be taking care of you while I am at work. It really really does. I know Tracey is going to do the best job but it's not me...it's just not the same. I am soooo very grateful that you will not have to go to daycare though. I am very thankful you will get that one on one attention with Tracey. She will take great care of you my sweet blessing. She will love on you and hug you like mommy will. She will do an outstanding job I know because God brought her into my life. God chose her and she will be just perfect for you. I'm telling myself this to as I tell you.


Tonight I prayed over you, prayed that you will do a great job for Daddy tomorrow and a great job for Tracey every day after that. I prayed that you would be a good sweet baby girl and that you will take your bottle like a good girl. I know you can do it. You can my sweet blessing. Oh please do so I won't have to worry about you going hungry. I am sorry I failed you in getting trained on the bottle before I went back to work but it was soooo hard to bare to hear you cry.


As I prayed over you and all the good great things I know you will do, you smiled at me... Then you cooed and talked to me and oh how you made my Heart melt. It's like your telling me it's going to be okay mommy. Its going to be okay....


Oh Raegan you are so loved my sweet blessing. Oh so loved. I love you all the way to the moon and back all the time!!!!


Dear God,


Help me. Help lift my spirits, help those around me be a joy to me and give me much encouragement and prayers as the next few days, weeks will be difficult for me. I'm sitting here typing this God and on the radio I hear the song "Do Everything" by Steven Curtis Chapman...


Do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you,
Cause he made you,
To do
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
Tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do


I know this is Your plan for me. Rather I'm holding my sweet baby girl or walking my students to lunch I will do everything I do for Your Glory. I will miss my sweet girl soooo very much God. Wrap your arms around us both, hug us both when we need it Lord. This is difficult for me, much more difficult than I imagined and I can't hardly bare to think about Tuesday when she goes for her first full day with Tracey. I am nervous, anxious, scared, all in one. Please watch over my sweet blessing, protect her and care for her oh Lord. Help me accept this new schedule and help me maintain a balance life between home and work. I praise You, and I thank You for all that You do.

In Your Name I pray,
AMEN

2012

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

I cannot believe it is already 2012! Boy oh boy did 2011 fly by! It was an amazing year filled with many blessings and I hope 2012 will bring just as much joy and love! I am very excited about watching our sweet blessing grow up!

Every New Years its typical to make New Years Resolutions, so I thought before I wrote my 2012 resolutions I should look at 2011 goals and see how many I actually met! Because I am sure I will need to keep some of my 2011 goals in 2012. Hehe!

Last year in 2011 I wanted to...(what's in PINK is 2011 goals, BLUE is new 2012 goals)

1) God, I would really like to grow my relationship with You. I am not always faithful on my Daily Bible Reading, and I know I need to get better with that. God, please help me to do that. Help me to get up earlier, or stay up later so I can have that precious time in with you. I want to do better, I need to do better. Thank you God.

I do believe my relationship grew with You God, but I still need to do better. Especially with my Daily Bible Reading!  I will keep this as a 2012 goal as well! :)


2) Sometime in 2011, Drew and I would really really love to get PREGNANT! :) Yay! God, please bless us with a healthy pregnancy and baby! Our fingers are crossed that by the end of 2011 we may be holding (or at least pregnant) with a precious baby of our own, that we may share You with Oh God.

This resolution was met!!!!!! We got pregnant and had our first baby all in the same year! I can't imagine not having our sweet baby girl! I am so thankful God for our sweet blessing! She was the greatest gift we got!!!

3) God, I pray for the last half of my third year teaching that I can really step it up. I want my students to have the best last half of the year possible. I pray God that you will open their minds and help me meet their needs academically, socially, and emotionally. Help me on days God that I feel like I am overwhelmed and/or at lost. Help me to make a difference in their lives and prepare them for first grade. Help my students God to be obedient, kind, caring, and loving towards one another Lord God. Help my parents and I to have the best relationship possible to help their child grow and be successful! God help my little ones to see You in me. Help me to be all of the fruits of the spirit with my precious students.

I pray this year God that I will get my first graders ready for second grade! I cannot believe I am finishing up my fourth year teaching. With me being out on maternity leave I pray that they are on track and we will continue to grow and learn the remainder of the school year! They are my sweet children and I pray that in 2012 I can be the BEST teacher I can be!

4) God, I pray for our poor backyard. It needs help. We've been "working" on a patio for quite some time now, and I really would love to have that area done so that we can actually use it to entertain.

Yay! Another goal met from 2011! We finally finished out patio thanks to my father-in-law! YAY!


5) God, I also pray that you will continue to surround me by so many wonderful people! My friends and family mean the world to me and I so glad each one is a part of my life. Please watch over us all and help us to have a very safe and Happy New Year!
GOAL MET in 2011, KEEP GOAL for 2012!

6) God, I pray that I will be a little less facebook addicted. Haha...I am quite obsessed since getting it on my phone. When Drew and I do have a baby, I know I will decrease my use some, but probably upload more pics! Hehe! :)
HAHA, still Facebook addict! But its all about my sweet blessing Raegan Grace now!!!!! And all my friends' beautiful babies!!! I don't consider this a goal anymore, LOL! It's unrealistic for me to stop...hehe!

7) God, I pray that you will watch over Drew and I. Help us to make good sound discussions when it comes to all that we do. Help us do well in our careers, our relationships, our health, our finances, etc.
KEEP GOAL for 2012 too! Good one to have every year! Except of course I want to add in watching over our sweet baby girl Raegan Grace! I pray that Drew and I will be the BEST mommy and daddy Raegan could EVER have and that we raise her up in a Godly home!

In 2012 in additon to what's already said above I want to...

1)Lose 20 lbs! I want to be at least pre baby weight if not better! I pray God that I can create and stick to a diet and excersise program!

2) Be the best Mommy and wife to my sweet family! God help me to be Proverbs 31 woman! Help me to be the woman my husband deserves and the mother Raegan deserves to have.

3) Pay off debt. I would love to be able to be a stay at home mommy ONE DAY! It may not happen next year or the next, but I know if we can work on some of our debt we will be in a better situation to make a sound decision. I plan to read Dave Ramsey's book and create a plan with my sweet husband. Because even if I keep working, it still would be nice to pay off debt and save more! God help us to be discplined in our finanicial plans!

4) I pray God that I will also find a balance between home and work. I want to be the best mommy and wife in the world to my sweet family, BUT I also want to be the best teacher I can possibly be. Finding balance between the two is going to be hard for me God, so help me draw the line, and do a great job at home and at work!

5) For years, Drew and I have said we need to create a meal plan. We always ponder over what to cook every night  and we end up wasting so much time just figuring out what to eat. I pray God that we will sit down together and actually come up with some delicious healthy meals for our family and stick to the plan.

6) I also want to update my blog at least once a month! And make-up 3 postings from the past 3 months since Raegan has been born!

I think these are pretty good for the year! There's plenty to work on! Hopefully I will accomplish many of them!



God, I pray these resolutions/goals to you Lord God, because You are the Creator! You are my All In All! I pray to You God. I worship to You. And I thank you for all my 2011 goals that were met and all my 2012 goals in advance. You are an AWESOME God!

In Your name I pray, AMEN!

2011 brought many blessings!

Wow! What an outstanding year! There have been so many great things about this past year! I am so grateful for God's blessings. The greatest gift of course is my sweet blessing: Raegan Grace!

A year in review

2011

January
-snowed in Columbia

February
-we found out we were pregnant!!!!!

-we got to take a trip to the Dominican Republic with Sonic

March
- we had our first ultrasound at the doctors

- we celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary on March 8th



-My cousin Ashley had her precious baby boy Wyatt on March 29th

April
-I celebrated by 25th birthday

May
-Blakely Marie was born May 22nd

-we found out the gender of Baby Smallwood: it's a GIRL

June
-I finished my 3rd year teaching kindergarten!
July

-Peyton and Addison Bixler were born July 25th at 28 weeks

August
- started my 4th year teaching and my 1st year teaching First Grade

September
-Christian Kenneth was born September 18th

-Raegan Grace was born September 28th at 6:16pm 7lbs 14 oz 19.5 inches long

-Jack Tyler was born September 30th

October
-Raegan turned 1 month old!

-Raegan celebrated her first Halloween

November
-Drew celebrated his 26th birthday

-Raegan celebrated her First Thanksgiving

-Raegan Grace turned 2 months old on the 28th

December
-Raegan celebrated her first CHRISTMAS

-Raegan turned 3 months old

WOW! What a year to be thankful for! I am soooo thankful to God for all our sweet blessings this year! May 2012 be full of just as much love, excitment, and joy!

And I know I did a horrible job in 2011 with this blog... espcially since RG has been born, but my goal for 2012 is to do at least one a month, and that's not including playing catch up since RG's birth! :)

It's almost Raegan time!!!!!!!!

Oh my dear blogger reader friends, I have done a horrible job keeping up with this blog over the summer and since school started back. I'm so sorry!

But I write today with GREAT and EXCITING news. On Friday, I went to the doctor for my 37 week checkup and I was already 4cm dilated and almost completly effaced. The doctor decided based on my increasing blood pressure at each visit, that she would go ahead and induce me on Wednesday September 28th! So 5 days later! I couldn't believe my ears and honestly couldn't stop smiling ALL day!

So Friday, I spent my last unexpected day with my sweet first graders. They were sad. One little girl even told me she wasn't coming back to school until I came back. And even went on to say I wish you never got pregnant and I wish we were still in kindergarten (I looped with my babies from last year). It was sad and heart breaking all in one. I felt bad for my students, because although I have been preparing them that someone else would take over my class until the New Year I didn't quite expect it to happen so soon. So we said our goodbyes and I promised to visit them and send them pictures of the baby.

Friday, I ended up staying after school until 8pm. Although I had been prepared and had all my sub plans done, I still had some things I needed to do and that included going over my sub plans with my long term sub. Now my sub wasn't in the sub system yet, so I didn't want her to observe my class quite yet incase something fell through...so she never got a chance to see me teach :( . But this week she is going to go watch Angela teach (we basically do the same thing so at least she can see how Angela teaches). But anyway I met with my (hopeful) sub, fingers are crossed that the district gets her in the system so she can start very soon with my babies. I want them to have as much conistency as possible!

So that leads us to now... it's Tuesday...almost Wednesday. Last night Drew and I spent our last date night as just a family of 2 before becoming a family of 3 tomorrow. We had a lovely dinner and just enjoyed time together.

So tomorrow is the BIG D-DAY...delivery day! I am soooooooooo beyond excited and nervous all wrapped up in one. Although it's hit me that she is coming I don't honestly think it's truly hit me... Every night since Friday I wake up wondering if she is going to come before Wednesday. The doctor said that it was very possible she would come early on her own. But so far, no Raegan Grace. I am okay with her coming Wednesday. It gave me time to prepare mentally and gave me two days off work just to relax. I would love for her to come on her own tonight without being induced tomorrow morning, but God has His plan and I honor that.

I know tonight I am going to be a bunch of nerves. I won't be able to sleep. It's going to be soooooo exciting and anxiety is going to take over. We have to be at Lexington Hospital at 5am tomorrow morning...TOMORROW...wow...seems so weird to say that! But 5am TOMORROW morning and they will start the induction process and then at 7am the doctor will get there and break my water...and hopefully after not too long of a labor our little blessing, Miss Raegan Grace will make her apperance!!!!!!! I can't believe TOMORROW I will be holding our little girl!

God,

I just pray that you will be with me and Drew as we prepare for delivery and just give us strength as we enter into this next journey. God PLEASE oh PLEASE let Raegan be healthy and breathing on her own. Please just let everything go smoothly and safely for Baby girl and myself. Be with the doctors and the nurses as they take care of us both. God wrap Yourself around Raegan and just help her enter this world ready to do Your work.

God, help Drew and I as we bring Raegan into this world. Help us to be Godly parents. Help us surround her with Your love and presence. God be with her. Let her know You God, let her accept You into her life and let her be the Child of God You want her to be.

God, I am so thankful. SOOOOOOOOO thankful for this opportunity to have a family. A true family. God, I know in my life especially growing up I had so many hard times, so many times that I just wanted to give up, so many bad memories. I felt so unloved by my parents and God although I never felt love in my home, I felt LOVE by You God. You were always there for me when I needed You. You have let me grow into this woman that I am today. And I cannot thank you enough for Your many blessings. For allowing me to marry my sweet wonderful husband, for giving us our careers, our home..... and now for giving us a child. A child to raise in Your ways God. Thank you God. Thank you so much for blessing us. For even letting me have those hard times growing up, to all the moments leading to this special moment. You are God, You are AMAZING, You are so MARVELOUS and I cannot express my grattitude for what You have done for me in my life and by giving me this opportunity to create a family centered around You and Your love!!!
AMEN

Raegan Grace,

Mommy and daddy are so ready for you! We can't wait to hold you in our arms and surround you with love. You are already so dear to us in our hearts and our love for you can only grow from this point on. You are our everything and we are soooooo excited to meet you and introduce you to this life that God has given us. May God bless you always our sweet sweet little blessing from God!

Love always and forever, 
Mommy!