Life's about changing nothing ever stays the same

Well I figure since I haven't updated this blog in a while I better get on it!

I have some news to share ...

Disclaimer: (NO I'm NOT pregnant) 

A couple weeks ago Drew put in his notice at Sonic. His last day will be July 31st. 

Yes, you just read that correctly!

SHOCKED??? Me too! 

It was one of the absolute hardest decisions we have ever made as a couple! Seriously!!! The hardest! Many conversations, countless hours, multiple prayers a day, and countless tears later we made the decision that God was telling us it was time to move on.

Drew has worked as an Partner with Sonic for almost 6 years! It has been one of the greatest achievements yet  greatest challenges of his career. With Sonic comes much joy and success but also comes many headaches when you're constantly on call 24/7 literally. Get a day off? nope. Holidays off? Nope. We've always been okay with that. It took some getting use to in the beginning but soon it was second nature because it was part of the job. And when you are invested financially in something, you are totally invested! 

But overtime ... it started to wear on Drew... One day (a couple months ago) Drew said I think I need some change I'm losing my joy in my job. I thought he was joking?! This man lives, breathes, and eats Sonic literally! This is his whole life, heck this is our whole life! For a about a month I blew off his conversations. I was actually angry that he wanted to uproot our life... That he was even considering changing his career. That he wanted to take away our stability. That he dared ask me to give my comfort of sonic away...

I went into prayer immediately after I realized he wasn't kidding ... I mean budging in my cries to pick himself up and deal with it. God started working in my heart. After many tears I realized God was changing my attitude on the whole "he needs change" conversation. God was telling me to trust Him. That God was not only working in me, but in my husband, and most importantly in our marriage. For the first time we truly prayed together more than just surface prayers. Drew asked God to direct us, give us clarity, give Drew opportunities. We prayed together and we cried together. I knew God was at work in my husband and no matter how hard I tried to fight it my husband was there saying Trust God but also trust him... He felt God was leading him in this other direction and he told me (still tells me) Everything is going to be okay...so I became the loving supportive wife my husband so rightfully deserved after I put my own selfishness aside! 

So, last month right before we went on vacation Drew decided he was going to put in his notice. I told him to wait till we got back. Honestly thinking, if he has a week off he has time to change his mind. Maybe this poor overworked man just needed some time off... But even during vacation he wasn't truly there... He was stressed... And he wore it all over his face and his actions.. And I felt bad for him... I felt like he wasn't enjoying vacation... He spent much of the time sleeping mainly because he was sick and exhausted. But anyway when we got back from vacation he said it was TIME... 

Therefore the resignation letter was written. And the resignation letter was turned into Drew's supervisor.

GASP!!!

My heart literally BROKE the day Drew called me and told me he turned it in... I cried...reality hit me, knocked me off my feet and I completely lost my balance! I was a total mess! This isn't a conversation any more ...this is REAL!!! Sonic is not only Drew's baby it's my baby! We had invested in Sonic not just financially, but emotionally and physically! This was a great opportunity for two young people so many years ago! Jon Richey believed in Drew fresh out of college and Leon and Barbara Irons gave us the chance of a lifetime! We couldn't be more thankful and gracious for their leadership, support, and commitment in my husband's career! And Drew is GREAT at his job! We were a great team! He devoted himself to Sonic! I was the Sonic wife and I loved it. Raegan even loved Sonic! We were devoted Sonic partners! It was our EVERYTHING...

And that's where we went wrong...I realize that now as I type this blog entry... We went wrong because we gave it our all that we had nothing left to give to the man upstairs! God was saying "hey you down there. I've been warning you, I'm trying to tell you success isn't everything in this life. It's important ... But your joy... everything you are looking for in life is found in ME... Trust ME... FOLLOW ME... SERVE ME"

Sooooo here we are forgetting the things we thought we wanted in life but following God because that's what we are suppose to be doing all along...

It's gonna be hard... Hard for both us to transition out of Sonic mode. But with time it will be okay. What I'm going to miss most is all the Sonic relationships we have created! Tears flow down my face as write this entry and think of all the memories. What a blessing so many of the Sonic partners are to our family! They have taken the Smallwoods under their wings and taught us how to fly! I'm going to miss the employees who have impacted our life over the years too! Those that God blessed us to help. God taught us so much about life and helping others rather they were having a new baby and needed baby stuff, out of work for several weeks at Christmas time because of a Sonic fire, and blessing those employees with cash from our church and from my coworkers at school! Having my friends make them cookies as a pick me up, to Drew and I both picking up employees and taking them to or from work because they needed a ride. To having employees over our house for Thanksgiving dinner, to so many other God loving services! My husband is amazing... which boss do you know would do so much for you as an employee????! Seriously amazing at all the lives that God used us to impact in His name through Sonic! We both will miss the work God has used us to do with Drew's career at Sonic! It's been a beautiful 6 years. I hope that my Sonic friends will continue to keep in touch! Follow our little family on fb, call, text, hang out with us, and just see how God is working in our life. Because he's not done with us yet. 

So as God closes one door another door must open right???...I know y'all are dying to know where God is leading Drew, leading us...well back in April Drew started a L O N G interview process with a great company. He had to take a mechanical aptitude test, team group assessments, and have multiple interviews with a range of different people. When we finally got the call that he got the job we were rejoicing because it was such a long hard process. He starts next month (August 18th). Which is perfect because Drew will be able to watch Raegan during my teacher workdays in August without us having to pay a sitter, also gives us a mini vacation time to go see my family in Virginia before I go back to work (in which Drew hasn't gone to VA with me since before I was even pregnant with Raegan), and it gives Drew a little relax time before he starts his new job. He will be working at International Paper. Ask me what they do???... I got as far as manufacture paper... LOL! But I know it's super hard to get a job there and their application process is intense so it's gotta be great right? The job description fits Drew's engineering mind. Not sure what Drew's title will be yet. He goes through 5.5 weeks of training before they place him in a position... 

But Drew's excited to try something new, something different, something a little less stressful, and something with built in days off. I think it will be good for him, for us, for our family...and hopefully serve God in all that we do! I'm praying it!

For me, I'm still nervous, heck I'm freaking scared! I HATE change! I love my plans! A lot was suppose to happen this summer but Drew, I mean God, threw a wrench in that! So while we put our own plans on hold I'll sit back and enjoy this ride... God has already promised me that He has plans to prosper us and not harm us so we will trust in HIM... I keep learning to take a step back and let God do His work.. His plans will prevail no matter how much I want my own plans to workout! You think I would learn but nope I always fall flat on my face with this struggle! :) But I serve an AWESOME God who is working wonderful things in our life and for that I will praise His name even when I feel like this storm is closing in on me... I will rejoice His name because he is my KING! He gave His only Son for me, so I will give my life to Him and follow and serve Him wherever He wants us to go even if that means picking up the pieces to my broken heart along the way! Seriously, I picked it up fast after I gave it to Him and realized God's gonna take care of us!

Thanks for reading my sweet friends! I know it was long! But as we close one chapter we are ready to start another in this book called life! God bless you all! Please be praying for us as Drew transitions into his new job (and for Momma and Raegan too)! All we want to do is serve our awesome God! I love you all! 

2014 Resolutions

Ringing in a New Year always calls for everyone making tons of resolutions for the New Year. Will I lose 20 lbs? Will I go on a health kick and eat all organic? Will I not spend a single cent on anything unless I absolutely need it? ummm...heck no to all of those...As much as I would love to be that disciplined I just am not. Life is way too busy for me and I am the master of excuses. Maybe next year right? Haha, I am realistic at this point in my life and right now those things aren't important to me.

Last year in 2013 I had ONE New Years Resolution and that was to live my life centered around God. I decided this one GOAL was more important to me than 15 little goals. Now I had no idea what this goal would even look like or how I would accomplish it but I tried to pray and ask God to show me what he wanted out of me. Did I accomplish this goal? KINDA. I feel like I definitely grew closer to God. He taught me so many lessons about trust and being obedient to Him. I had high expectations for myself in living up to what the Bible says about being a Proverbs 31 woman. Did I succeed? Yes and No. No,  in the fact that I am a sinner and we all fall short. Did I read my Bible every day? No... did I try? Not always...I even started up a devotional and quit twice... but it's okay...it's more progress than I have ever made. Did I lose my temper with Drew or Raegan? Yes...and I feel bad for it and it's okay because I am still learning about being a better wife and a better mother... Did I do a fantastic job of keeping the house clean and putting dinner on the table most nights? Nope...ultimate fail: haha...Dishes in the sick, my office is a disaster from all my crafts and storage issues (not any more by the way), old bins of clothes in Raegan's room that needed to be sorted, a garage that look like a tornado hit it (that my husband and I finally DID sort and organize tonight), laundry hampers over flowing, clothes and toys all over the floors and yep we probably ate drive thru way too many times a WEEK but you know  what...that's okay! I am  totally okay with that. We have a roof over our head, food in our tummies, and I am okay knowing I am not the "perfect" mommy or wife and I am okay with that because I know that I am perfect for MY family. I am the best I can be for Drew, Raegan and myself. And that's perfectly okay with me because I am not worried about what anyone else expects out of me or heck what I expect out of me. I am worried about what God expects out of me. Sure I need some work, but don't we all have things we need to work on???? So in this aspect I did do BETTER at living a Christ centered life. I prayed with Raegan daily. We read her Bible, I prayed over my friends, my family, my coworkers, my husband, my child. I did a few things outside my comfort zone like letting go. Letting go of me and letting God take control over so many situations: like a job, our $, my marriage, my baby, my friends. So many things I needed to let go of and I am sooo glad GOD is STILL at work in me.

THIS YEAR...well this year in 2014 I want to continue to put God at the center of my life. I can never go wrong with this as my focus each year.

I would of course love to become debt free. Ever since I read Dave Ramsey's book 3 years ago that has been our goal. We had started 3 years ago his snowball effect and we had a plan but we had a few beautiful curve balls thrown at us like realistic budgeting, and having our beautiful baby girl so we got off track with our original plan. But even though we got off track we still continued to work on paying off debt. We paid off all of Raegan's hospital bills, her surgery, furniture for the house, some of my student loans, all of Drew's student loans, and of course paying down on things like our vehicles and a few other things we had thrown at us here and there which I think is pretty good when you consider we had a baby and had to pay for all the things needed to care for our little one including childcare. I know we won't become debt free over night or even in the year 2014, but I sure am going to work towards it. My hope and goal THIS YEAR is that we can pay off both our vehicles. Next year work on my student loans from my masters degree and then the following years to come work on paying off the house. Gotta start somewhere right? But of course my main goal is just to have enough money to pay all our bills and RG's outrageous preschool fees (it's more than my house payment, but if I HAVE to work, she WILL be in the best care) and have some leftover to save, pay off debt, and enjoy life a little. BABY STEPS!

My other attainable goal is to read the bible daily. I always ALWAYS struggle with this. Once I skip a day it is sooo sooo hard for me to catch back up...I have tried books, apps, just my Bible and paper and pen....but I always seem to fail. SOOOO in 2014 I will try again. At least I already read Day 1 earlier today! :) Step one...DONE!

Of course I would also love to...

1.become more self-disciplined
2.be a better time manager
3.read a book for ME
4.read a professional book of my choosing
5.make a meal plan and STICK TO IT!
6.get Raegan potty trained
7. get in SHAPE, would love to work with a personal trainer ONE DAY!
8. eat healthier (I am such a junk food junkie)
9. and maybe just maybe get pregnant with Baby #2 this year
(and NO before you even ask we aren't trying yet, and no you shouldn't ask when we are, because only God will know when that blessing and time will come. You really shouldn't ask a couple when they are going to have a baby EVER rather it's kid #1 or kid #2 or kid #7 (I have been guilty of this too). You just don't ask because you don't know if they are trying and have been trying and unsuccessful  or other factors are keeping them from trying, or whatever personal reasons they care to share or not share, just keep your comments to yourself. It's insensitive! I say that because too many of my friends are trying for baby #1 and I hate it when someone they barely know asks them when they are going to start a family most of the time it upsets them...please don't remind them of the pain... you don't know how many months or years they have been trying and well of course they WANT a family they just haven't been blessed with a family YET. So don't ask someone you just met or kinda know unless well you are prayer warrior because well then pray them up a baby PLEASE! Friends will tell friends if they want them to know if they are trying. And honestly I am tired of people asking Drew and I when we are going to have baby #2. Like we can just create a baby in thin air? We will have baby #2 when and if (hopefully) God allows us to. We certainly want to expand our family and want Raegan to have a sibling(s), just want that in God's timing, not your timing or our timing. I mean look at Raegan who wouldn't want more blessings like her?! We sure do! People always say to me "you don't want too big of age gaps"... umm who cares? Not me... anyway have y'all met Raegan??? God must know she (or mommy and/or daddy) can't handle a sibling(s) right NOW...ha! But anyway I can't wait for God to expand our family in HIS perfect timing! Raegan will be the perfect big sister ONE DAY! Oh goodness...sorry I went off on a tangent. Just be considerate when asking that question and if it's truly YOUR business to ask. End rant on this subject)

But anyway that little above list is just a list of things I would like to do...not really goals, not really resolutions, just a list of things I WANT...

My real goal and only goal this year is just to continue GROWING IN Christ and read my BIBLE EVERY DAY and honestly pay off both our vehicles this year.  That's truly more than enough isn't it?


Will I succeed in all my hopes and dreams this year? Maybe, and maybe not. But you know what the important thing is? I tried. I will be on a cloud 9 high at times this year and at other times my friends and family will have to pick me up out of the hole I am in and just comfort me and pray with me. And you know what? That's okay too because we all have to live, learn, and grow. I know I always grow at my weakest moments. Each year we can have hopes and dreams and we have failures and you know what there will be light at the end of the tunnel, a rainbow after the rain...and well that my friends is all I can hope for. The hope I have to be a better me, a better wife, a better mother, a better teacher, a better follower of Christ. I will put all my trust in the Good Lord and keep on living my life the best I know how and hopefully as much as I can possibly contain my flesh, live a life centered around God's word.

God bless you all my sweet friends. I wish you a year full of many blessings centered around God's love!