Would I be a horrible mother if???

So Drew earned his Sonic trip again this year! I am so proud of him! This year he is going to Cancun, Mexico! Although I'm excited for this FREE trip it's way different than last year!

Last year when we went on this Sonic trip to the Dominican we were pregnant but we definitely didn't have our sweet baby girl yet!

Oh man, how things have changed in just one year! Being married is one thing, but being married with a baby is a total different thing!!!

Our dear friends, the Hysners, have offered to take care of Raegan for the 5 nights 6 days that we are away! As much as I trust them and know that Raegan will be fine with them I can't help but for my heart to break at the mere thought of leaving my sweet baby girl!

If I go will...

-Raegan remember me?
- Will she still want to nurse when I get back?
-will she be okay?
-will she sleep without us?
-will she take her bottle from them?
-will I have enough stored milk for her and if not will she take formula or half and half, and then switch back to breast milk when we get back?
-how much will her routine change?
-will she become fussy?
-will she still be the happy baby that she's been for us?
- will she be excited to see us or even recognize us when we skype with her while we are there?
-will my milk supply decrease?
-will I even enjoy myself if I go????

I'm just sooooo worried! I feel like she is too young for us to leave her. When we go she will only be 4.5 months old. Thats not very old. I already feel like I'm missing soooo much of her life already with me being back at work! I'm only away from her for 9 hours not 6 days!

I started to google (yes I know bad idea) about mothers leaving their babies for vacation etc. Well many things said go because she won't remember but one thing in particular I read said don't go. That she will have no concept of time and what is 6 days to us will feel like eternity to her. And that she will feel abandoned and that that will affect her for the rest of her life ????

Oh man!!!! Let the tears flow... I am hurting so much!!! I don't want her to feel like that. I want her to be more than just okay! I want her to be loved by me! I want to hold her and care for her forever!

I know my husband earned this trip. He worked hard for his accomplishments, and I'm so proud of him. Its such an honor to even be allowed to go on this trip.

But I'm sooooo nervous and scared about leaving my baby!

So that leads me torn ... Between being a good wife to Drew (he could take someone else but I know we would have to let them know ASAP, we have all ready said I'm going) and supporting his accomplishments or being a good mother to Raegan and meeting her every need?

Would I be a horrible mother if I go? Or would I be a horrible wife if I didn't go?

Will RG look back at me when she has her own child and think how could my own mom have left me so young?

I just don't want to let Drew down on my baby girl down.

Would you leave your 4.5 month old baby???? Your first born??? Your very sweet sweet oh soooo sweet blessing that God gave YOU???

Praying to You God! You know what I stand in the midst of. You know my every thought and my every need.